I have roared
out with the groaning of my heart. There is a secret groaning that is not
heard by man: yet if the thought of some strong desire has taken so strong hold
of the heart that the wound of the inner man finds expression in some uttered
exclamation, everyone wonders why. A man says to himself, “Perhaps this is the
cause of his groaning? Perhaps this thing or that thing has happened to him?”
But who can know the answer except the one before whose eyes and ears he
groaned? Thus does the psalmist say I roared out with the groaning of my heart, because if men ever hear a man’s groanings, they hear only the groaning of the
flesh. The groans within the heart are silent.
Who
observed and noticed the cause of his groaning? All my desire is before you. It cannot be before men, because they cannot see the heart. But still the
psalm says All my desire is before you. If your desire is laid before him, the Father who sees in secret will grant it to you.
For that very
desire of your heart is your prayer; and if your desire continues
uninterrupted, then so does your prayer. It was not in vain that the Apostle
said Pray without ceasing. Can we be always bending the knee, prostrating the
body, or lifting up our hands, when he says Pray without ceasing? If that is
what prayer means, then I say that we cannot do it without ceasing.
However, there is
another inward kind of prayer without ceasing, which is the desire of the
heart. Whatever activity you may be engaged in, if you only long for that
Sabbath rest, then you do not cease to pray. If you do not want to pause in prayer, then never pause in your longing.
Your continuous desire is your continuous prayer. If you cease to desire, then you will have fallen silent in your prayer. Who are those who have fallen silent? Those of whom it is said The love of many will grow cold because iniquity will abound.
The freezing of
love is the silence of the heart; the burning of love is the cry of the heart.
If love continues, then you are still lifting up your voice; if you are always
lifting up your voice, then you are always longing after something; if you are
always longing, then it is the Sabbath rest you are thinking of.
And all my
desire is before you. How can we suppose that our desire is before him but
our very groaning is not before him? How can that be, since our desire itself
finds its expression in groaning?
And so comes the line And my groaning is not hidden from you. From you indeed it is not hidden; but it is hidden from many men. The servant of God sometimes seems to say in humility, And my groaning is not hidden from you, and sometimes seems to smile. Is that longing dead in his heart then? If there is the desire within, there is the “groaning” also. It does not always find its way to the ears of man, but it never ceases to sound in the ears of God.
From a Discourse on Psalm 37 by St. Augustine
Office of Readings, Friday of Advent Week III